ben's band bangs.

Ben-Style CM: Modified

So I didn't think I could ever successfully enforce every rule every time. And I didn't think I wanted to. I was pretty strict at the beginning, but even then ... EVERY rule, EVERY time?? I'm doing good if I remember to change kids from absent to tardy when they come in half an hour late, let's be honest.

So I decided to go with the spirit of the law more than the letter of the law, because I've already confessed that I don't enforce some of my rules very much any more (raising your hand before you speak, for example) and I'm okay with that.

I came back from Thanksgiving break and had to give out tons of detentions to keep everybody back in line. I've tried to keep things pretty well under control since then because we (me and my students) are definitely all just about ready to jump ship for christmas break a few days early, and it shows. So here's what I decided to do.

Rules that I don't enforce, well ... for the last two weeks, I still haven't enforced them. I still don't make anyone participate in my class. I still haven't been consistent with the hand-raising policy. But the things that I have found do still matter to me (I don't want any hitting in my classroom -- even if you're playing. I don't want anything in your mouth. I don't want any shirts untucked. I don't want any food...), I have tried to enforce consistently. As in, the sweet little straight-A student gets the same detention for play-hitting her friend in front of my face as the cheating, obnoxious kid who never attends class gets for shoving a girl in the lunch line. This has been less painful than I expected, and I think has probably helped to maintain a working atmosphere for the last few weeks. I don't think I'm capable of doing the every-rule every-time thing, but I definitely see the benefits of just bloody being consistent. It helps them to understand exactly what my expectations are, and it actually helps me, too. Because if joe shmo is driving me absolutely up the wall and I know that I'm just looking for a reason to give him detention, well ... I know I'm not being fair, and a lot of times it's just enough to give me pause. Yeah, mabey he's not doing things by the book, and mabey he's pushing the envelope, and mabey this that and the other, but if he's not breaking any rules, and if I'm not going to change my rules or say anything to him about it, it's not doing either one of us any good for me to stand there stewing. It's like having a rubric for grading a test. If they said this, they get the 5 points. If they didn't, it doesn't matter how sweet they are, they just don't. Keeps everybody under control.
Yay for classroom management and christmas break.

first semester reflection

#1. I'm a teacher.
Not that I don't have those moments when I look into my classroom and act like an old person and think well, gee, it wasn't all that long ago when I was IN a classroom like that, not that I don't definitely feel like I'm faking it sometimes, but despite all that, I'm a bona fide teacher now. I freak out a lot less about little things. Leaving my classroom. Getting interrupted. Dealing with excuses. Making the wrong decision. Making copies.
It's just not as big of a deal. I'm about 100% more relaxed than I was in August. and i kind of like that.

#2. The good
I got it good to start with. IB kids. Freshman. Adorable little children who do what I say. So I didn't have as much of a horrifying learning curve/culture shock as a lot of other people. I also have six other MTC teachers at my school, which is awesome.
I made it to October and started trying to set up ETC (enrichment tutoring club). I made it to December and, while all the kinks have yet to be worked out, I take between 5 and 25 kids next door to tutor real live first graders and kindergarteners twice a week, and 26 little kids are actually benefitting from something that I made happen. Go me, and love the kids who care.
My marble jars have unexpected benefits. My children do things like say "7th block has so many marbles. But those are all the BAD kids!" Well, they're models of good behavior in MY class, thanks.
And the rotating core of 6 or 7 students who stay after school sometimes to hang out, grade my papers, straighten my desks, and chat have started to like me now. they tell me things.

#3. The less good
as i get more relaxed in the mechanics and authority of my position, I'm hitting that place that I think most people somehow have innately to begin with, where I start to actually care. about my kids. I just started getting mad that I spend more time grading their quizzes than they spend reading for them. I just started caring that on some level their unwillingness to do enough work to succeed in my class might possibly be indicative of their level of success in years to come. I am VERY SLOWLY noticing things that I think most people came into this position knowing. for the few moments when I stop treading water and look around, I realize the blade all our kids are walking on and how little it will take for them to fall off and how we can never do enough to help them. For the few moments when I take the time to notice.
I also started having trouble developing the motivation to exit my apartment and get on the freeway in the right direction to get to my high school.

#4. In conclusion
It hits me occasionally that my job is inevitably one in which I will be constantly barraged with people trying to dupe me or take advantage of me in some way. I realize occasionally the absurdity of the girl who skips french 2nd period, skips english 3rd period, and shows up at my door in the first five minutes of 4th block asking for her jacket that she forgot in my room two days ago. Has something in my behavior led her to believe that this is okay??

I imagine most of us will manage to keep on keeping on for a while longer, but I'm withholding final judgment for at least a few more months. Life has become a balancing act, and it's easy to end up on the wrong end.

Letters of Intent are due in March.